What On Earth? is the much-needed manifesto by the intergalactic space warrior, Count Binface, whom you may remember from such elections as the 2019 General Election and the 2021 London Mayoral Election, where he finished 9th out of the 20 candidates, defeating UKIP and Piers Corbyn, and setting a new record for an alien standing for public office.

In his first book (on our planet), Count Binface spells out his mission: to save the UK from self-destruction. As he says, it’s not that he wants to do this – we need him to, if our future is to be saved. Britain is a mess: she used to rule the waves; now she just waives the rules. Someone needs to take control. Someone truly fresh.

From capping the price of croissants at £1 and nationalising Adele, to taking over Downing Street and restoring Ceefax, the most famous alien politician in the universe shares his story and political beliefs. He also provides a potted history of the UK’s worst political disaster: 1066, the Black Death, Richard III, Guy Fawkes… all the way to the demise of New Labour, the chaos of Brexit and, of course, the self-destruction of ‘the blond bumshell’, Boris Johnson.

The result is a rip-roaringly funny but also horribly accurate state-of-the-nation satire that will get you voting for Count Binface as the next Prime Minister.

Count Binface says: ‘I am over the moon, and indeed the rest of your solar system, to be publishing my first book on your planet. I’ve done things you wouldn’t believe: I’ve set attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion; I’ve made C-Beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate; I’ve navigated my way through the Maidenhead one-way system. Now, having come to Earth and taken on the trio of Mrs May, Mr Johnson and Mr Khan in fierce electoral combat, I am excited to be taking on my mightiest challenge yet – knocking Richard Osman off the top of the book charts. My Recyclon advisers are telling me it cannot be done, but you don’t become a successful intergalactic space warrior without aiming high. If I can achieve that, becoming Prime Minister should be a doddle. Bring it on.’