If there’s one thing we all agree on, it’s that putting pineapple on pizza is one of the greatest sins ever committed in the name of cooking.

And that’s why one British waste company is launching a national campaign to have this culinary blasphemy deleted from takeaway menus across the country, and – if necessary – naming and shaming the guilty parties.

While some people might think this a bit extreme, it’s clear that there’s a growing wave of public disgust at the Hawaiian Pizza, UK waste management company Businesswaste.co.uk says.

“Every time you order a Hawaiian, a pizza chef loses a tiny piece of his soul,” says Businesswaste.co.uk spokesperson Mark Hall, “and if we do not act now there’ll be no room left for proper British creations like Chicken Tikka Masala pizza and Full English Breakfast pizza.”

“These people need to be stopped.”

Are you serious?

A 2017 YouGov poll claimed that an unhealthy 53% enjoyed pineapple on pizza, while 41% said they disliked it (the rest said ‘don’t know, and we’ve no time for fence-sitters). However, it appears attitudes have hardened in the intervening six years.

Our own informal poll carried out among over 1000 BusinessWaste customers found just a single respondent saying that they liked a crafty Hawaiian pizza, while a staggering 85% saying that pineapple on pizza should “get in the bin”.
Once again there were a number of fence-sitters who claimed not to eat pizza, and we are minded to respect their life choices without further comment.
And that’s why Businesswaste.co.uk is launching its campaign to eradicate the Hawaiian.

“It’s not even from Hawaii,” says Businesswaste.co.uk’s Mark Hall, “It’s from Canada, and frankly they should apologise to the United Nations”.

It’s a call with international backing, with Iceland’s president Guðni Th. Jóhannesson saying that he would actually ban pineapple on pizza if he had the power to do so. He eventually rolled back on his proposal, presumably under pressure from Big Pineapple.

And an expert analysis on the legal situation called the Hawaiian “a barbaric practice that violates the very essence of morality, humanity, culinary dignity of all peoples and good taste”, and it doesn’t get any blunter than that.

So we think it is time to name and shame those who promote pineapple on pizza, and a list sprinkled with a few celebrity names, maintained by the relevant HM Government department, should be enough to turn the tide on the Mrs Brown’s Boys of cooking.

“And don’t get us started on anchovies, and people who eat their pizza crust first,” says Businesswaste.co.uk’s Mark Hall. “We’d draw the line at calling them weird, but it’s just another level of pizza wrongness we just don’t need.”

A pizza the action

The UK pizza takeaway market is worth 3.3billion pounds per year, and about 49% of the British public say they are pizza eaters.

The most popular topping is pepperoni, a safe choice that is a launchpad to more exotic tastes.
London, unsurprisingly, eats the most pizza, an estimated 288,000 being sold in the capital daily.
And YES, you can put your pizza box in the recycling, as long as it doesn’t contain any food waste. Any spare grease comes out in the recycling process.
With tens of millions sold every year in the UK, that’s an awful lot of cardboard boxes not being recycled because of this untrue myth.

But one thing is true: A quarter of people don’t eat the pizza crust, saying that it’s either “too filling” or that they just don’t like them.

It’s a finding backed up by our own informal poll which discovered that waste pizza is routinely thrown straight into the bin, still in the box, rather than being separated and put in respective recycling containers. What a waste.

“Once again, that’s millions of recyclable cardboard boxes going to landfill every year,” says Mark Hall, “and that’s a thing that needs to stop almost as much as pineapple on pizza.”

“Say NO to pineapple on pizza, and say YES to recycling your waste.”